I kind of had a little breakdown yesterday and this morning. Feeling disheartened and discouraged I very calmly and with great poise went to my superhero hubby for some insight and encouragement. The conversation went something very close to this:
Me (in a high pitched whiny tone of desperation): "I just want to live and enjoy my food and eat a hamburger with our friends when we grill out. Do you know what it's like to watch everyone eat a hearty meal with desserts and sides and I'm ingesting a salad and fruit? DO YOU? I'm not getting anywhere! I have a huge rear end (I did not say rear end by the way) and I go to the gym every day and these pounds are just sticking to me! WHY?!?? Why can I not lose weight?? Why is this so hard and why can't I have a cookie for goodness sakes?!? I'm tired of counting these stupid points. What's a point anyway? What does that mean? I am so depressed I just can't stand it. I think about every morsel that enters my mouth and am starving the more I exercise. I do not want to eat another cucumber sandwich when I've done a big workout, I want something else! ARGH! Tell me! What am I doing wrong?
Scott (very kindly and tenderly): "You are lovely just the way you are. I would rather have difficulties losing weight than be in chronic pain (my hubby has been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and is in pain most of the time during the day and in his sleep). But you keep doing what you are doing and you will see results".
He went on to encourage me and remind me of my age (blech), that I've had a child and that my body is different than it was ten years ago. We discussed the ways I have improved and how this is a lifestyle choice and a healthy one for all of us and that the weight will come off over time but that it does take time.
This is a difficult journey for me. I feel like I've been in weight loss mode for 18 months now but the reality is it's just been a little over a month and I am trying to be proud of ten pounds lost instead of what seems like the bazillion I need to lose. I had a great weekend full of friends, a burger and yes, peanut butter cookies. But I have to be OK with the occasional splurge or I will lose my mind like I did this morning. I've been working out every day (twice today) and my clothes are starting to fit differently. So I soldier on with my superhero hubby at my side, my son dive bombing into all our bed pillows and you. Thank you for always being there with encouragement, great recipes and sometimes the little smack to my forehead saying "Snap out of it!".