I'm not proud of this but I had a moment yesterday afternoon where I almost got into my son's jelly bean jar (his incentive/reward for when he uses the potty). I had to stop myself from shoveling all those beautiful sweet colorful chewy candies into my mouth.
I am in the process of making major changes to my lifestyle including the way I eat but that doesn't mean it comes easy to me. Mindless munching happens to me all the time in fact it is my biggest obstacle to overcome. Combine that with the fact that I really do not like exercise (it's inconvenient and it involves sweating) it just seems as though I was destined to carry extra pounds. I guess what I'm trying to say is while I am glad the last few months have brought healthy changes to our home and my body it is not easy and I struggle daily to make better choices than I did the day before.
Sometimes my heart just isn't in it and I let my stomach guide my choices. The past week has been what I'd call an "off" or "junk food" week. We've had a lot going on so it was easy to pick up Sonic burgers one night so I wouldn't have to cook or clean up a mess afterwards. We hosted 36 people in our home for a hot dog cookout on Saturday evening and I had to be ok with the fact that I only ate 3 brownie bites and a slice of watermelon for dessert instead of what I typically would have eaten which would have been a slice of pie, cake and 5 brownie bites. This of course meant saying no to people and what they made and brought and at the end of the party I delivered leftover cupcakes and cookies to the neighbors on both sides of us so that I wouldn't be haunted by temptations. I honestly call that progress for me because I'm just not to the point where I cannot eat a brownie bite at a cookout.
I still tend to lean into food for comfort even when I'm eating a healthy food like fruit. Being a homemaker and stay at home mom can be a very lonely job, fulfilling and fun...but lonely. Sometimes it's nice to sit down with grapes and cheese or a cookie because it makes me feel better. These are the things that I am working on. Learning to lean into God when I am lonely, calling the friends I have been blessed with to talk things out and to sometimes just walk away from the food when I know I am not really hungry are all things that I am trying to do.
I have loved having this blog to write out what is on my heart, my triumphs and shortcomings. It's hard but it's been good and as always I thank you for your continued support and encouraging words. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scrub the marker ink off my son's face and arms.